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Saturday, June 14, 2008

KITSUNE RELEASED WITH CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH

Shalinoth Kitsune, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was released from St. Mungo's. The spokesperson for the Ministry of Magic released a statement claiming the the Headmaster was in good health and of sound mind.

When asked for comment, Senior Undersecretary Calldron stated "I am pleased that Hogwarts will have its Headmaster back. It will be especially required for him to be in good spirits in the upcoming days."

ACCUSED CRIMINAL DISRUPTS MINISTRY FUNCTION

By Avery Axel

Claudius Archan, the man under suspicion of attacking children, was arrested Friday evening after disrupting a Ministry function. He was accused of disturbing the peace and resisting arrest.

The event was the marriage ceremony between Director of Magical Law Enforcement Slade Dreadlow, and Director of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures Rayna Kievnov. It was held at the church in Godric's Hollow. In attendence was Headmaster Shalinoth Kitsune, recently released from his stay in St. Mungo's, Deputy Headmaster Ambrose Huddleston, and the ailing former Minister of Magic Millicent Bagnold.

The perpetrator disrupted the ceremony and refused to leave when ordered to by Former Minister Bagnold. Auror in training Karina Nicholls sudued Archan after a battle of spells, and took him to the Wizengamot holding cells. Nicholls is accused by some of using excessive force. When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Ministry said "The Ministry is investigating these allegations."

A witness at the wedding said "Archan was rude, and disrupted what was meant to be a private function with no provocation. He had no right to be there, and he should have been ejected on sight!"

NEW BROOM MODEL DONATED TO CHUDLEY CANNONS

By Vex Hunter


The fans in orange have much to cheer for these days. The Chudley Cannons are having a terrific season, and things just keep looking up. An anonymous patron donated a fleet of Lightfoot brooms, a sleek broom that beats the Firebolt everytime.

Rodney Ecksen of the famed "Quality Quidditch Supplies" shop in Diagon Alley reported that the anonymous patron ordered them with nothing more than a letter and sack of Galleons. The letter was delivered by an "odd little owl who kept knocking things over", said Ecksen.

Dilbert Duncan, the manager of the Cannons, was thrilled once the brooms were sweeped for signs of magical interference. "The Cannon's have never played better, I says! We'll be taking the season for sure now."

Thursday, June 12, 2008

CALLDRON HAS PLANS FOR HOGWARTS

By: Winona Patrius

Annabella Calldron held a press conference this morning announcing a secret and pleasant suprise for the students of Hogwarts. "I have just settled it with the Minister of Magic, and will begin planning with the faculty of Hogwarts as well as my fellow governors. All am I at liberty to disclose is - We will be reinstituting a long beloved and much missed tradition at Hogwarts. The students of Hogwarts will be thrilled."

No other word at press time was released regarding the suprise planned.

ROMANIAN WARS RAGE ON

By Lorena Quill


The conflict between the Romanians and Transylvanian nationalists rages on, levelling villages of wizardry and the Muggle world alike. Romanian Minister of Magic, Lazar Comanescu, was quoted early this morning. "The combatants have no respect for life, be it wizard or Muggle. All attempts at diplomacy are met with violence."

Comanescu was made famous for his passing of the Wizarding Treaty Act, ending the Five Years War between Romania and Yugoslavia some twenty years ago.

The muggle village of Nicusor was devasted with the insurgants moved through. The Muggle government has issued a warning to all surrounding towns to protect themselves in anyway possible.

There is no reason to believe the insurgents are targeting Muggles. A spokesman for the UK Department of International Cooperation said earlier "No one is safe now."

ALCHEMIST ATTACK ON HOGWARTS

By Silvus Stonehedge


Tyler Flax, a Ravenclaw first year, was turned to stone by an unnamed assailant. The only description the Auror investigating received was an "unshaven alchemist".

The only witness was Claudius Archan, recently released suspected criminal. He was accused of maliciously attacking children by setting them on fire. He was removed from his professor postion at Hogwarts for the same.

The Auror said she would be interviewing Archan to collect an official statement from him.

A student healer called for St. Mungo's personel to collect the patient, due to the advanced nature of the case.

People with any information are asked to contact a member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

EVIL PROFESSOR REMOVED FROM HOGWARTS

by Nirvella Montauk

Professor Claudius Archan, the blood-tyrant accused of burning a student and mutilating innocent children's familiars, has finally been dismissed by Shalinoth Kitsune and the Board of Governors.I, for one, am glad to see that the Headmaster has finally come to his senses! Our children need discipline, but there is never a need for such violence!As a proud parent of two Hogwarts students, I am relieved to see measures are being taken to keep our children safe! The Board of Governors and the Minister himself are finally stepping in to give the school guidance.Headmaster Kitsune, I applaud your acceptance of their care and guidance, and I can only hope to see what other improvements the school will no doubt see.When asked for comment, Archan replied "Truthfully, I'm relieved; I wash my hands of the school. Someone else can attempt to repair what [...] has shattered."The school and our community, Former Professor Archan, has washed its hands of you as well.

ATTACK ON SOUTH EFFERVY

by Winnifred Wimple

The sleepy wizarding village of South Effervy was attacked on Saturday evening, leaving two wizards dead. Aurors in the area were summoned but arrived too late to save William and Elenora Wickels, both 34. Both were victims of the Killing Curse.
The only living witness is their daughter Sarah Wickels, a nine year old girl who was too terrified to utter a sound, which saved her. She hid in a cupboard and saw her parents killed while looking through the keyhole.
She told the Aurors that the attackers had thick accents and spoke in a language she could not understand. The only phrase she understood was "Justice to pigs", screamed by one of the two assailants before he cast the Unforgivable Curse.
William Wickels was a member of the Ministry of Magic's International Cooperation Department. He led the Campaign for Wizarding Understanding, to bridge the commnication gaps between Wizarding nations in Europe. He was a Ravenclaw.
Elenora Wickels was an employee on the Muggle-Worthy Excuses Committee, and an active member of her community Wand Lore Appreciation Society. She was a Gryffindor.