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Sunday, January 6, 2008

Hero Auror Saves the Day!

A member of the Irish Regulators- transferred over to the main ministry at short notice, has literally saved the day recently as a small but dedicated cabal of Dark Wizards terrorised the innocent children in Hogwarts.

Details are still vague, but it appears the cabal, called ‘The Legion of Doom’ by some, began a series of systematic attacks upon the children in and around the school.

“It was very scary,” said one student, while another said “Actually it was really boring- at the first sign of trouble, they locked us in our common rooms. We could have helped.”

Indeed they could have- entirely ignoring the precedent established in previous years of allowing older students to protect the famous school, the Headmaster ordered all students to skulk and hide away in fear. Thus allowing the Dark Wizards run amok, the staff entirely unable to deal with them.

Finally someone contacted the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and while busy, an Irish Auror, Delilah Weary, port keyed across and successfully dealt with all four Dark Wizards in quick order.

The official in charge of the Irish Ministry, Danton Thirroul said, “I am delighted that Delilah was able to save the day- she is an exceptionally brave and smart lassie, and one of whom we are very proud. I have heard she wishes to transfer to the main ministry and I for one will be supporting that. Its not every day an Auror is willing to risk her life for the children at Hogwarts. It just goes to show the effectiveness of the Ministry.”

The Captains Sweep to Return

It has been confirmed that Captain Donald’s Broom Sweep, the most feared broom race in the Wizarding World, is to be held again, despite some complaints.

Agatha Shalby, 28, from Little Sodborough, said “I think it breaks just about every law we have- the idea of a bunch of mad cap Wizards flying around a Muggle City like that sickens me.”

The Broom Sweep is an irregular event, held in Dublin, and involves wizards flying on brooms over a complicated and dangerous route, that involves interaction with Muggles, and a very great possibility of death.

Noted Wizarding historian Fergus O’Rafferty told the Prophet, “The Sweep began in 1749 when one Muggle born Wizard, Captain Donald O’Brian, challenged a Welsh Witch called Megan to a wild race over the roofs of Trinity College. It grew from there, until the spectacular Sweep of 1848 wherein 19 Wizards drowned in the river Liffey. There have been many worries about the revealing of Wizards to Muggles, but the Ministry of Magic has always managed to clean it up”

“The Sweep usually offers some great prize and while no one knows who sponsors it these days, the winner of the Sweep is usually very rewarded. Of course there is traditionally a whole series of races that match the sweep”

The Department of Magical games and Sports can confirm that the line up for the upcoming Sweep’s include- The Grand Dublin Sweep, and the Duchess of Waterfords Liffey Bridge Challenge but that more events will be announced soon.

Death Eater Files WILL become public knowledge

Minister Shaklebolt has confirmed that before the 10th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, that the Ministry of Magic WILL reveal all files on the Death Eaters and their numbers.

Until recently information has been kept under lock and key- but it seems as if the Minister is going for total disclosure.

Headmaster “Not insane at all”

Several faculty members from Hogwarts have approached the prophet to confirm that they hold NO truth in the rumours that the newly appointed Headmaster is ‘insane’.

“The Headmaster is a very great man,” said one professor who wished not to give their name, “And he is under a lot of stress. But I believe all his decisions are the correct ones.”

Another professor was more forthright in her views- “Those who say the Headmaster is insane are wrong. I for one intend to stand by him during this time of need.”

It has been confirmed that no one in the Ministry has ask the healers of St. Mungo’s to intervene.

Zurich to be new headquarters’ of ICW

The International Confederation of Wizards have confirmed that they will be relocating their headquarters to Zurich in Switzerland. This follows months of speculation about the move.

When asked why it took so long to decide, spokesman for the ICW, Hannes Morteson, said, “We were looking for the Supreme Mugwhump. He was busy.”

Morteson refused to confirm rumours that the Supreme Mugwhump was resigning and that they would soon have to choose a new holder of the position.

Fines for Cake Baker

The Northampton Witches Annual Bake Off ended in chaos last week, when it was revealed that six times champion, Nora Huddlestone, had been using a series of banned charms on her Artic Rolls!

“I just thought they tasted lovely” said competition judge Eileen Thatcher, “until I decided to say that I though Lorna Carrigs cakes tasted almost as good.” Sources can reveal that Ms. Thatcher was then hit by a nasty ‘Galloping Trots’ Hex.

A spokeswoman for the Department of Misuse of Muggle Artefacts has confirmed that Nora Huddlestone was using a ‘Like it or else charm’- “ nasty wee spell, banned in the 1950’s- to be honest we hadn’t seen one of these in years. She had placed it upon the sugar condiment- so every time she added sugar to any recipe the spell was cast. It was very subtle.”

As well as a serious fine, Ms. Huddlestone has been banned from then Northampton Witches Society for six weeks.